old habits die

  SCREAMING  

Was any of it true? Gazing at me starry-eyed. In your jehovah's witness suit, who the fuck was that guy? You hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins. In public showed me off then sank in stoned oblivion. Because once your queen had come, you treat her like an also ran. You didn't measure up in any measure of a man. And I don't even want you back, I just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. And I don't miss what we had, but could someone give a message to the smallest man that ever lived? Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? Were you writing a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy? In fifty years, will all be this declassified? And you'll confess why you did it and I'll say "good riddance", because it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden. I would've died for your sins, instead I died inside. And you deserve prison but you won't get time. You'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars, you crashed my party and your rental car. You said normal girls were boring but you were gone by the morning. You kicked off the stage lights but you're still performing. And in plain sight you hid, but you are what you did. And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive the smallest man who ever lived.

it was legendary,

it was momentary,

it was unnecessary,

should've let it stay buried.

I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist. I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift, pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away. My spine split from carrying us up the hill, wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill. I stopped tryna make him laugh, stopped tryna drill the safe. I stoppеd CPR, after all, it's no use. The spirit was gonе, we would never come to. And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free. And you say I abandoned the ship, but I was going down with it. My white-knuckle dying grip, holding tight to your quiet resentment. And my friends said it isn't right to be scared every day of a love affair. Every breath feels like rarest air when you're not sure if he wants to be there. So how much sad did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I'd go before I'd self-implode? Before I'd have to go be free? You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof. You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days. And I'm just getting color back into my face, I'm just mad as hell because I loved this place for so long, had a good run. A moment of warm sun, but I'm not the one. Stitches undone, Two graves, one gun. You'll find someone.

a greater woman has faith
but even statues crumble if they're meant to wait

hand on the throttle, thought I got lightning in a bottle
oh, but it' s gone again